johnlink ranks 300 (2006)

I don’t think I’ve been so unpleasantly surprised by a movie in awhile. I really expected to dig 300. I just didn’t. Sure, the action sequences were pretty cool, but anything involving dialogue or plot or motivation was jarringly comical. I’m not even one of those people who dislike it because it wasn’t historically accurate (it’s a fuckin comic book movie for Christ’s sake), I was just disappointed in it overall. I liked director Zack Snyder’s DAWN OF THE DEAD remake, and I anxiously await his upcoming WATCHMEN movie. But 300 wasn’t for me.

It sort of concerns the historical account of 300 Spartans keeping a horde of Persians from advancing through a narrow mountain pass. Except, the Persians have giants. And there’s a monstrous hunchback. And the TV Sarah Connor takes her clothes off.

I watched 300 (2006) on 2.24.09. It was my first viewing of the movie.

NOTE: THIS RANKING UTILIZES THIS SITE’S ORIGINAL SYSTEMIC ARTICLE WRITING METHOD. THE METHOD BY WHICH THE RANKINGS WERE ARRIVED AT, HOWEVER, REMAINS THE SAME.

FILM

Disappointing on pretty much every level. The action sequences were satisfying, but did get repetitive by the end. You can see why it was so widely parodied after the movie’s success. Anything involving character development was lacking. Plus, there was an unchecked an unapologetic masculine ferociousness to this film which just felt silly. I would love to have heard what George Carlin thought of this movie. It was exactly the sort of thing he references when he talks about “Obsolete, male impulses from a hundred thousand years ago.” SCORE: 4

MOVIE

This is the score that was much lower than expected. I found myself bored more than I was engaged. On the plus side, 300 will definitely make an appearance in my yet to be written book “Movies to Watch Drunk.” SCORE: 5

ACTING

Hard to tell if the actors were any good when the writing was such shit. But I will say that Gerard Butler has some charisma, and I would at least check out any projects he does in the future. Lena Headey (the aforementioned Sarah Connor) gets to deliver one of the worst written and uninspiring monologues ever. At least she gives it the old college try. SCORE: 4

WRITING

I love comic book movies. So this isn’t a knock on the fact that this came from a celebrated graphic novel. I just felt like everything was so (and I hate to use this word again) silly. I never believed any of it. And when the father has a rare moment with his son, I thought they would actually wait more than three seconds to kill him off. There’s no set up at all. Just payoff after payoff, with ultimately nothing delivering what it promises. SCORE: 2

FINAL TALLY

FILM: 4; MOVIE: 5; ACTING: 4; WRITING: 2

4+5+4+2+0 = 15

FINAL SCORE: 3.75…. and I know some people LOVE this movie, so I’ll probably hear some shit about this one.

~ by johnlink00 on February 24, 2009.

One Response to “johnlink ranks 300 (2006)”

  1. […] milestone this year. Doing 300 movie reviews is much more entertaining than watching the movie 300. But, well, that’s just a cheap shot. Anyway, here we […]

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