johnlink ranks LEGION (2009)

This is a film which has been on the waiting list for a while. My brothers saw this awhile back and informed me that I needed to see it because it was just so awful. It wasn’t, according to them, so-bad-it’s-good awful. Just awful. Needless to say, my expectations were very low going in, which is an easy way for a movie to be better than expected. So how was it?


I watched LEGION (2009) on 12.2.12. It was my first viewing of the film.

The idea this movie proposes is that God is pissed and wants to eradicate humanity. But floods are so BC, so instead he sends down his angels to possess humans and have them kill each other. Seems unnecessary if you are, you know, God. But who am I to argue.

The only problem is that one of the angels, Michael (Paul Bettany) thinks this is a bad idea. Humans should have more chances, he thinks. So he comes down to protect a young pregnant woman who has the future leader of humanity in her womb. God wants this baby dead, Michael thinks things will all be okay if it is born.

Despite the fact that angels can just show up anywhere they want in a form which is nearly indestructible, they instead choose to inhabit humans and drive to a remote little diner where the hope of humanity, a small group of people, are boarded up. Michael has guns, though, so everything should be cool.

This movie just sucks. The actors give it a shot, at least some of them do, but the movie just smacks of self-righteous drivel. Plus, it steals (or pays homage, I suppose) from some better films. The premise is not unlike TALES FROM THE CRYPT DEMON KNIGHT (itself no great classic), but DEMON KNIGHT did it so much better. The ending of LEGION looks almost identical to the ending of TERMINATOR, except this Sarah Connor has a boyfriend to go with her pregnant belly and her bandanna as she drives through the desert.

This was, at least, entertaining for the first half. Then they attempted some character development. This was a noble attempt, but the movie already sucked, and the characters were already uninteresting. While Dennis Quaid was respectable as the diner’s owner, Lucas Black was just horrendous as his son. Bad accent, bad expressions, bad character. I don’t say this to be ignorant or mean, but I really spent a lot of the movie trying to figure out if he was supposed to be mentally handicapped in some way. And Lucas Black isn’t necessarily a bad actor, he was fine as the kid in SLING BLADE, but this movie just doesn’t give him anywhere to go. It’s just awful.

So I’d like to thank my brothers for making me aware of this horrendous movie. I don’t see enough putrid movies which have nice old ladies speaking with vulgarity, turning into a monster, and climbing on the ceiling. It is a niche I needed filled.






~ by johnlink00 on December 3, 2012.

3 Responses to “johnlink ranks LEGION (2009)”

  1. I’m glad I watched this only once. Thanks!

  2. That woman looks like my sweet little old gran, and she swears like a sailor too! Good write up dude, think I’ll steer clear 🙂

  3. […] worst movie I saw this year was LEGION. Just a pointless effort and a crappy film. I wanted my time back. I give some honorable mention to […]

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