johnlink ranks COLOMBIANA (2011)
Hi friends, it has been too long. I’m not sure I have ever gone nearly two full months without seeing a movie. It’s crazy to think is even possible to do so. But it was an insane semester at school, the kids had various health issues, and a show I directed ended up running longer than expected. Add that all up, mix in a first viewing of BAND OF BROTHERS (an incredible series!) and I went almost two months without any movie watching. I wish I had a more noble breaking of the fast than a minor action film co-written by Luc Besson, but maybe I needed to get my feet wet before diving into the deep.
I watched COLOMBIANA (2011) on 5.13.13. It was my first viewing of the film.
I was concerned that this movie nuked the fridge about ten minutes in when a ten year old girl turned out to be some majorly trained warrior. It was odd, because her parents were clearly not very well trained: they went into a fight guns blazing and without any grace. Meanwhile, little Cataleya is scaling walls and using weapons like she is the offspring of Jason Bourne.
This movie isn’t about realism, though, so it isn’t a deal breaker. Twenty-five minutes in, when we finally see Cataleya as a grown woman (Zoe Saldana appearing in multiple states of PG-13 undress), and it gets better once that happens. This is a movie of set-pieces. There is the opening action which establishes character, a prison assassination which shows how tough and resourceful Cataleya has become, a shark-tank bit with guns blazing, and a final explosive climax. The entire thing reminds me, in tone, of the superior DESPERADO. While there is nothing appalling about the movie, especially once Zoe Saldana shows up, there is also nothing particularly memorable.
Luc Besson has made a career out of action films, obviously. Cataleya is not his worst character. She is a nice addition to his stable. But she deserves a stronger movie than this. Much of the action felt like scenes which didn’t fit into TRANSPORTER. or THE PROFESSIONAL (in fact, this script is supposedly a re-imagination of a failed attempt to create a PROFESSIONAL sequel with Natalie Portman, hence the female/revenge angle).
I came away impressed by Saldana’s ability to carry a movie (and, more crudely, by her unquestionable sexiness), and I really would love to see her get a big budget franchise launched with her as the primary character, and no AVATAR does not count. Instead, I leave COLOMBIANA not overly impressed by what I saw, but entertained enough to not be annoyed. How is that for a ringing endorsement?
SCORES
FILM: 4; MOVIE: 7; ACTING: 5; WRITING: 4
4+7+5+4+0=20
FINAL SCORE: 5
johnlinkmovies 
I think that’s a pretty fair summary. I didn’t particularly like it, but it wasn’t a horrendous train wreck. Gotta disagree about her unquestionable hotness, though. I think she’s a stick figure with a pretty face. Maybe she should be hungry for a steak instead of murder.
Haha, fair enough. I find her to be elegant and graceful, which isn’t easy to pull off in a role like this. But to each their own 🙂
Actually, I’ll agree with elegant and graceful. Just not my type of woman. I kind of want to watch the movie again now, but maybe that’s because she was great in Star Trek Into Darkness.